See My Dinners

Farewell, dinner blog :(

2007-01-29T20:18:00.000Z

I've been meaning to make this update post for a long time now. Sadly, time and business pressures have forced me to not only quit this blog but also to cook less. Yes, it's a rotten shame, but chin up, we had some good times, some bad times, and some KFC.

The dinner blog lasted for a year, and was more popular than I could have hoped for. It started out as a clever way of mocking bloggers, and ended up making a dedicated and famous blogger of me. This was on TV, you know. That counts as fame, my mum said so.

And so I say to you, goodbye. Perhaps one day the dinner blog will return, but until then, happy cooking!

Prawn Connery

2006-08-12T23:33:00.000+01:00

This dish was inspired by the movie Thunderball, which is set in funky Nassau. I wanted to do shellfish in tribute to all the marine life in the film, but served on something that looks like a palm tree. I also wanted to create a bit of a retro 60s look. Whether or not it tasted any good wasn't really the point, although it actually turned out to be delicious. Movie-themed food is the way forward. Tomorrow's movie theme will be Gaynigg*rs From Outer Space.

Garlic, coriander and chilli marinaded tiger prawns on a lemony avocado fan with rice

Skol Dinners

2006-08-10T23:24:00.000+01:00

"Cow, cow, cow, cow, cow, cow, cow"

Hagar: "Why aren't you singing, Lucky Eddie?"

Lucky Eddie: "I can't remember the words"

A big lump of cow covered in melted emmental and mushrooms on rosemary mashed potatoes with spinach

A is for Apple

2006-08-08T22:25:00.000+01:00

If there's one thing I don't understand, it's shop-bought, jarred apple sauce. Why would you buy something full of thickening agents and preservatives when you can peel and boil an apple with some sugar and a blob of butter? Takes less time than opening a jar. People are weird. Apples are my friend.

Mustard-encrusted pork medallions on colcannon with homemade apple sauce

Gnocchi Lotta People Know That

2006-08-07T22:03:00.000+01:00

Apparently you're supposed to pronounce the 'g' in gnocchi. I'm not, but you are.

Roasted vegetables and tomatoes over gnocchi with grated parmesan

Sick Squid

2006-08-06T21:45:00.000+01:00

This was a bit of a mess. A tasty mess, but lacking finesse. Ooh, a rhyme! I had some ingredients in the fridge and I cooked them all in a pan til they looked edible. It doesn't get less sophisticated than that. Of course, if I were a BMW-owning marketing type person, I'd call this something like 'rustic stew' and charge £14 for it in a gastropub. Good job I'm honest, eh readers ;o)

Rustic squid, chorizo and new potato stew

Takes Some Guts

2006-07-29T22:09:00.000+01:00

Offal is like Napolean Dynamite. It is guaranteed to elicit a very strong negative or positive reaction from anyone you ask. Me, I love both the film and the gooey insides of dead animals. Bring on the bits that filter all the crap, they taste yummy!

Pan-fried chicken liver and artichoke salad with raspberries and croutons

Border Caulie

2006-07-28T22:04:00.000+01:00

I had a cauliflower but fancied salad. Could I invent a caulie salad that was light and refreshing, as befitted the hot sultry day? Gauntlet thrown, I launched myself into the challenge, flinging oils and herbs aside in my quest for the ultimate dressing. The result was a sort of hybrid Japanese cucumber salad, without the Japanese. Add a blob of mayo and victory was mine.

Smoked peppered mackeral on a cauliflower and cucumber salad in a light vinaigrette

From the Ladle To The Gravy

2006-07-24T23:11:00.000+01:00

OK, this didn't have any gravy in it, but that was the only pun I could think of involving ladles. It's too hot for wit. Hot sweaty wits, ew.

Watercress soup with a swirl of olive oil, plus bacon sandwiches on crusty bloomer

Jus The Two Of Us

2006-07-23T22:27:00.000+01:00

Sorry for my absence, dinner fans. It's been a craaazy week and there hasn't been much cooking from me (that's not to say I didn't eat, don't fret). This is a fantastic melting cheese, which apparently came about thanks to early tax fraud. FACT.

Lamb steaks on a stack of soft roasted potatoes with melted Reblochon De Savoie, asparagus, and a redcurrant and lemon thyme reduction

Let's Go Someplaice For Dinner

2006-07-12T22:14:00.000+01:00

I didn't want to cook tonight, as you can tell from this halfhearted thrown together effort. Slice some stuff, bung it in a baking tray, whack it in the oven and leave it for a bit. The sauce for the asparagus was good though, I recommend making it. Double cream, rosemary, black pepper. Peasy.

Plaice on roasted new potatoes and onions, topped with asparagus finished in a rosemary cream sauce

Whaddya Wan?

2006-07-11T22:05:00.000+01:00

I'm possibly being filmed next week so, in true vain and female style, out come the salads in an attempt to look thin and interesting. I already have the pale thing going on. Practically wan, in fact.

Salmon cakes on button mushroom, green pepper and tomato salad with basil mayo

Noodle Doodle Dandy

2006-07-07T22:19:00.000+01:00

I almost never follow recipes, but I made an exception for this and I'm glad I did. It was very lovely, if a little fat-heavy (but that's more a reflection on the pork than the recipe). I had to improvise a bit as I had everything except rice wine (I put in some Mirin and extra stock instead) and brown sugar (I used white). I even served the star anise on top as a garnish. Don't eat it though, kids, you'll break your teeth and have to make a living as a professional gurner.

Aromatic pork belly hot pot on noodles with sesame broccoli

Saaging In The Heat

2006-07-05T22:28:00.000+01:00

It's the middle of a heat wave and I get a craving for curry. Figures. Perhaps there's some sort of clever sweating biology thing behind it. You're hot, so you crave curry which makes you hotter so you sweat more, and sweat cools you down. Does that sound even vaguely sensible? Hopefully some of my nice science-type friends will tell us.

Crispy-skinned cod on potato, spinach and chickpea curry

Market Penetration

2006-07-04T20:05:00.000+01:00

"AVOOOHHHCAAADDOOOES, TWO FER A QUID!" yelled the grubby man in the market. "Hmm, " I said, giving them a squeeze, "when will they ripen?".

"Couple of days, luv," he told me.

And by golly, that man was not lying. Ripen they did, until all they were good for was smushing into a chunky pulp with some chillies and garlic.

Chicken roasted in chilli oil with grilled sweet potatoes and guacamole

Mama Mia! Here We Go Again

2006-07-03T19:01:00.000+01:00

An old childhood favourite. Do you eat this with a spoon and fork to do that twirly circle thing? I don't, I use a knife and fork because I'm English. I also wear a bowler hat and stick out my pinky whilst drinking tea. Jolly good show, wot?

Spaghetti Bolognaise

Butter Me Up

2006-06-26T22:57:00.000+01:00

It's my week for unusual varieties. This stripey aubergine is not only prettier than the regular kind, it's also much sweeter, tastier and somehow softer - almost like mashed potato inside. The observant among you will notice that I didn't peel the broad beans - I ran out of time, the potatoes were lukewarm as it was. I need an assistant. Send your applications on a blank postcard.

Lamb and sliced fondant potatoes topped with roasted Pandora striped aubergine, with broad beans in a garlic anchovy butter.

Little Plum

2006-06-24T20:09:00.000+01:00

Two of my favourite things, and both hard to find in the shops, in one dish. Samphire is also known as sea asparagus, or the unromantic marsh asparagus and is just about the tastiest thing you can put in your mouth. Shiso is a Japanese purple herb which has the most amazing taste - sort of pungent mustard but fragrant at the same time. It worked extremely well with the saltiness of the samphire and the tartness of the lemony tomatoes. Tres bon, me.

Halibut steamed in parcels with plum tomatoes, on a bed of sauteed samphire with shiso cress

For Mash, Forget Smash

2006-06-23T21:46:00.000+01:00

There aren't enough songs about beef, I might write one. Something like "beef is wonderful, beef is hot, beef is everything chicken's not"

Pan-seared ribeye beef on creamed potatoes with asparagus tossed in melted roquefort

Wind Because of Wings

2006-06-22T21:42:00.000+01:00

I didn't really get wind, it was just for the sake of a pun. See how I sacrifice my dignity nightly to bring you slightly poor gags?

Salt and pepper chilli chicken wings from the Chinese round the corner

Croque of Sh**?

2006-06-18T22:40:00.000+01:00

Actually, not a crock of sh**, although the individual ingredients were all pretty crummy. Supermarket ham, highly processed white bread, rather poor Double Gloucester cheese, and eggs that could have been fresher. Combined, however, it was pretty good, if a little fat-heavy. Croque Madame means "Mrs Crunch", apparently. I would have thought "Mrs Ham and Cheese Toasty with a Fried Egg" would be more accurate.

Croque Madame

Prawnographic?

2006-06-14T22:32:00.000+01:00

"Take me, you deliciously tasty lover" whispered Prawn to Potato. Potato looked longingly at Prawn as she slathered herself in a temptingly thick, spicy, gooey marinade. "I can't!" he cried, turning away to hide the desperation in his eyes. He looked over at Fennel, so sweet, so innocent. He could never hurt her, not like this. As the delicate petals of tarragon rained down, caressing them both with the tender touch of the herb, he knew he'd made the right choice. He took Fennel by the hand and touched her bulbs. "I love you" he smiled.

Marinated prawn kebabs on a salad of sliced Jersey Royal potatoes, fennel and tarragon

Broadly Speaking

2006-06-13T22:30:00.000+01:00

I am the Siren of Salads, the Lady of Lettuce, the Diva of Dressings. I am divine, sublime and superb, a gem amongst rocks, a diamond in the rough. I am the greatest, the best, the finest. My talent knows no bounds, I harbour no regrets for my ambitions are fulfilled.

I have invented the world's most delicious salad.

Grilled lamb leg steaks on a salad of leaves, baby broad beans and stilton with a raspberry and garlic vinaigrette

Jerks.

2006-06-12T22:54:00.000+01:00

The spicy chicken needed something refreshing with it, as it was incredibly hot today and I didn't want to sweat any more than I already was. Did I say sweat? I meant 'glow', as befits my gentle gender. Now excuse me while I scratch my glowy arse.

Jamaican jerk chicken with rice, red kidney bean, spring onion, mango and coriander salad

Basil Not Faulty

2006-06-11T22:16:00.000+01:00

If I had to choose between sex or food, and the food was this, then the sex wouldn't get a look in, frankly. And if pudding was apple crumble and custard, well, call me Ms Chastity and throw away the key.

Beef tomato, mozarella, duck sausage and avocado
salad with a basil and balsamic dressing

No Joke, Artichoke

2006-06-03T21:49:00.000+01:00

It's the seventies! I want you to say that out loud in the style of the start of the Muppet Show. Ready? After three. One, two, three...oh, you didn't do it. Lame.

Steamed artichoke served seventies-style with a bowl of melted butter for dipping

Risottoman Empire

2006-06-01T20:39:00.000+01:00

Risotto is easy but tedious to cook. Stir, stir, ladle, ladle, stir. I want someone to invent me a risotto-stirring robot that also detects when the liquid has gone and pours another ladleful in. It could have a human-type personality and be called something clever like "a husband".

Pan-seared salmon on a basil and tomato risotto

Salami's Lot

2006-05-31T22:16:00.000+01:00

I had to cook very quickly tonight as I was on a tight schedule. If I'd had more time, I would have put the salami inside the pancakes. That would have rocked. Never mind, there's always next time (except next time I'll want to experiment with something entirely different, like chickpea and chocolate, or grape and kidney).

Pancakes stuffed with mushrooms, spinach and cheese, with German salami

KF*C OFF

2006-05-30T22:10:00.000+01:00

Yeah, yeah, I know, junk food blah blah unhealthy yabba yabba clogged arteries whinge moan sudden death etc.

Zinger Tower Burger. Chips. Fat.

Not Mush Room In 'Ere

2006-05-29T22:10:00.000+01:00

I was describing frittata the other day in a chat room, which made me want some. I'm such a simple creature, living on my instincts and cravings. I am also complex, because I think kittens are cute but also they annoy me with their pathetic mewing and I want to crush them and bake them in a pie.

Just kidding! That's gross.

The correct method for cooking kitten would be a casserole.

Field mushroom and emmenthal frittata with a simple salad of cherry tomatoes

Once A King, Always a King, But Once A Knight Is Enough

2006-05-28T23:24:00.000+01:00

Yes, yes, I know this is duck for the second time this week, don't berate me til you hear what happened, OK? I fancied duck the other day, and bought some (the bird you see here), but didn't get chance to start cooking until 10pm, by which time it was a bit late and I couldn't be bothered. I still fancied duck, so the Chinese takeaway occurred. Fast-forward to today, and the pre-purchased breasts needed eating. That's all there is to it. No punchline, no twist, no funny one-liners. Just a boring story about sell-by-dates and my eating habits.

Pan-fried duck breast on a salad of artichoke hearts, red bell peppers and mixed leaves.

Send Me The Bill

2006-05-26T21:33:00.000+01:00

I really like crispy duck from the takeaway but the pancake ratio is all off. You get enough meat and greenery for at least ten pancakes, but they only supply six. Why? What a swizz. It never seems to occur to me to ask for extra pancakes, either, I'm usually too dazzled by the funky bamboo calendar and the crazy ceramic and gold cat waving at me.

Crispy Aromatic Duck

King Takes Prawn.

2006-05-25T22:18:00.000+01:00

Ahhhh Jersey Royals. It's that time of year again, when the sweet, moist, firm flesh of the king of potatoes is mine for but a scant few weeks. If you've never experienced the heavenly delights of the lord of spuds, well, don't come round here and try to eat mine, I'll kill you with my butter knife.

Spinach, watercress and rocket salad with avocado and pan-fried king prawns.

With Jersey Royal potatoes on keyboards.

I Fillet In My Fingers, I Fillet In My Toes

2006-05-22T22:14:00.000+01:00

I have observed that many people like eating, but are squeamish about handling, raw dead animals. I find this odd. To mentally seperate the cooked item on your plate from the once breathing creature in its natural shape is disingenuous. If you can touch an animal to shove it down your gob hole, you can touch it to cook it. So, with that in mind, I present for you here a little lesson in filleting fish, dedicated to those who go "ew!".

A trout is a round fish, so you should fillet it with the guts intact. Therefore, you need to ensure it is as fresh as possible, unless you want to risk rotten guts leaking onto your fillet. You don't. Make a vertical cut behind the head on one side of the fish.

Next, slice down the back, just above the fin but keeping as close to the bone as you can. You don't want to waste any lovely fishy flesh. In gentle sweeping movements, cut the fillet away from the fish, using just the tip of the knife. Trout are a bit fiddly because their bones bend towards the flesh, so you have to do a bit of pinboning with the tweezers. Don't use them for your eyebrows afterwards, ladies, you'll never get a date.

The fish with one fillet removed. For some odd reason, I didn't include the actual fillet in this photo. Flip the fish over and do the other side. Hopefully, you won't pierce the stomach and the guts will stay intact for ease of disposal.

And there you go! Cook those babies with something delicious and joy unconfined will be yours.

Pan-fried trout fillets on a ragout of aubergine, potato, onion and red kidney beans with lemon and basil.

The Blog Is Back In Town

2006-05-20T21:48:00.000+01:00

Sorry I've been slack lately, blog fans. Firstly, my battery recharger borked, which meant no camera, and then I got a new phone and couldn't get the photos off it. I gave up in the end. I have an entire week's worth of pictures sitting on my mobile doing nothing, and there they will stay. I suppose they'll be handy to confuse anyone who steals my phone. They might even send it back, under the impression that I am either a) crazy, b) Jamie Oliver, or c) both. Tonight was Eurovision Song Contest night, so I invited the sis and bro-in-law round for Saturday night Sunday lunch.

Roast chicken stuffed with, well, stuffing.

Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, BATMAN!

2006-05-08T21:52:00.000+01:00

I've been working like a maniac today so the quicker and easier the cooking, the better. When I say 'working like a maniac', I don't mean polishing my axes and buffing my gimp suit, I mean staring a computer all day and late into the night.

Penne with tomato sauce, chicken, green peppers and mange tout

You Say Pot-ay-to, I Say Spud

2006-05-07T21:50:00.000+01:00

A tasty but simple meal before going to the cinema to watch the tasty but simple Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible III. Actually, he's considerably less tasty nowadays than he used to be. His skin has taken on the ruddy slapped-arse hue of a drunken Irishman on Boxing Day morning.

Smoked salmon and poached egg on new potato salad in olive oil and lemon dressing with asparagus and parmesan

I Pitta The Fool

2006-05-04T22:51:00.000+01:00

Hey kids, don't try this at home. Red pesto in finger food is a dreadful idea, as it drips red staining oil onto your clothes (which in my case was a vintage Nike t-shirt that I'm very fond of and now looks like I wore it to the filming of a snuff movie).

Chicken breast in pittas with red pesto, avocado, red pepper and spring onion

Served with wedges and sour cream

I Like Ham, Ham I Am, Green Pea and Ham

2006-05-02T10:47:00.000+01:00

Pea and ham soup is generally referred to in my home as 'pam' soup. Isn't that nice?

Pea and ham soup with toast

Lentil Death Do Us Part

2006-05-01T10:38:00.000+01:00

I had guests for dinner so did my usual chuck-a-duck in the oven thing. When I was a kid, it was always the men who had the legs of a roast bird and the women had the white breast meat. It's topsy-turvy now, with my sister and myself always opting for the leg and our men plumping (pun intended) for the non-mammalian mammaries. Actually, I make an interesting point there. If they ain't on a mammal, they ain't mammaries, so why do we call them breasts?

Roast duck on puy lentils with savoy cabbage

Veggie Kray

2006-04-25T22:11:00.000+01:00

Pork always puts me off meat for a day or so, it's just so dense and fleshy. Like eating a pig or something. Here we have a nice, light, vegetarian meal followed by an entire packet of chocolate chip cookies.

Penne with asparagus, mozarella and fresh tomatoes tossed in olive oil

Mor Pork

2006-04-24T22:48:00.000+01:00

So much for avoiding heavy food. I don't have the willpower to live on light vegetable broth. At least it wasn't spicy, and I only put a small glug of red wine vinegar in the cabbage. Anyway, it was delicious and thefore worth any potential writhing-in-agony (which has so far failed to happen so I guess I've found the balance. Curry = bad, pork = good).

Mustard-encrusted pork loin steak with black pudding mash and braised red cabbage

Thai Good, You Like Shirt?

2006-04-23T22:41:00.000+01:00

I'm avoiding very spicy food due to a medical annoyance, so I thought I'd make a nice mild coconutty curry - nothing too heavy. Or so I thought, until I was doubled over in pain an hour later. It'll be plain food for me for a while, folks :(

Chicken Thai green curry with beansprouts and rice

Porky's Revenge

2006-04-14T22:34:00.000+01:00

On an unrelated note, it's Passover.

Pork tenderloin stuffed with field mushrooms on a spaghetti of potato and leek

A Caesar Seizure

2006-04-13T22:29:00.000+01:00

All sorts of random things happened to this dish. Firstly, I discovered that the anchovies I'd bought were actually in Loganberry juice and were bloody discgusting, so I had to throw them away and use caperberries for that salty kick instead. Secondly, I burnt the croutons. Yes, that's right, dearest readers, I burnt something. It had to happen some time I suppose, but I can't help but feel I've let you all down. Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

Chicken and avocado Caesar salad

Coup D'éat

2006-04-10T22:44:00.000+01:00

I dedicate this vegetarian dish to Terry, who was first up against the wall when the revolution came.

Three-colour pepper and mushroom risotto

Myxomytoasties

2006-04-09T22:36:00.000+01:00

I call these dangerous eggs because you never know what's in 'em! Well, I do, of course, because I made them, but YOU don't. The idea is, you get everything that's in the fridge, chop it up and scramble it around in a frying pan with some beaten eggs. Add some HP fruity for funk if you must.

In case you didn't know, the pun that is the title of this blog is a very old Jimmy Cricket gag.

Dangerous eggs and a toasted sesame bagel

The Latest Entree

2006-04-08T22:30:00.000+01:00

A poor pun made even poorer by the fact that this is not an entree. This dish appears early on in this blog's history, about 6 months ago. Yikey crikey! Six months??!! I need to get a life, quick!

Merluza a la Gallega

Ready, Bready, Go!

2006-04-06T21:51:00.000+01:00

I totally cheated and bought ready-breaded fish, but I clawed back extra points by making my own ratatouille (except that I forgot to put garlic in, which is a very weird thing to do. Perhaps I was distracted by my husband craftily winning an internet competition that I was trying to win). To make a really nice base for ratatouille, fry some anchovies in the pan first until they sort of melt away, then add the vegetables as normal. You can have that tip for free, even though I invented it. I'm nice like that.

Breaded cod on homemade ratatouille with basmati and wild rice

Lettuce Pray

2006-04-05T21:16:00.000+01:00

I love Little Gem lettuce, it's cute and tasty, and actually works really well cooked too. But you don't care about that, you just want me to say something funny like, oh I don't know, flaps.

Pork and mustard sausages on lettuce, with new potato and green olive salad and basil mayo

Poked And Stoked, All Smoked But No Fire

2006-04-04T21:50:00.000+01:00

Salad days are here again, an antidote to all the stodge I've been eating lately. Warm smoked mackerel reminds me of my childhood - my nan used to give it to us when we stayed for summer holidays. I would invariably end up arguing with my sister over something trivial like a piece of paper, demanding through my tears and shrieks to be taken home. I could easily be consoled with a Cadbury's Creme Egg. No change there, then.

Smoked mackerel salad with prosciutto, tomatoes and raspberry vinaigrette
This post is dedicated to Chocolate

Boxing Clever

2006-04-03T20:41:00.000+01:00

I loooooove this. Mmm melty cheesy goodness. I usually whack a dollop of good apricot jam on top of the cheese before baking, but with asparagus I think it's better with poked-in slivers of garlic and a slug of white wine.

Camembert baked in the box with asparagus, polish kabanos and crusty bread

Russell Hearty

2006-04-02T19:34:00.000+01:00

My man is ailing,

Health is failing.

Must prescribe

Soup to imbibe.

Keep him tickin'

Chunky chicken.

Chunky chicken soup with pasta

Balls

2006-03-30T23:06:00.000+01:00

I had a very long day today followed by a 9:30pm rehearsal, so I did something very unusual for me and bought what working class people commonly refer to as a ' ready meal' from a place middle class people commonly refer to as 'Waitrose'.

Some sort of meatball pasta gloop

Toastess with the Mostess

2006-03-26T22:41:00.000+01:00

Nothing to see here, move along.

Cheese, ham, tomato and red onion toasty cause I had a huge lunch

Fishful Thinking

2006-03-25T22:30:00.000Z

It's not every day you make your own sushi (unless you're a sushi chef, of course). This was my first attempt and, if I do say so myself, I am a bloody genius. Apparently it takes seven years to train to do this properly, or two hours in my kitchen if you have a good book and an iron will. My beautiful creations deserve an extra-long blog entry so you can see how it's done. I recommend having a go yourself, although you need a fishmonger you can trust and decent knives.

Cook the rice. It's a bit counter-intuitive because it's supposed to stick together and be all glutinous. Mix in rice vinegar, mirin and sugar whilst a friend fans the rice to cool it. If you don't have a friend, tie a piece of paper to the tail of a happy dog.

Obviously, you have to use today's catch, so butter up your fishmonger and take a polygraph machine or a member of an organised crime gang to ensure he's being truthful. Cut away any undesirable bits of the fillet then, keeping your knife Marti Pellow (wet, wet, wet), cut lovely diagonal slices.

With wet hands, mould some rice onto a slice of fish and manipulate into a nice shape.

To make the maki rolls, put a sheet of seaweed on a bamboo rolling mat, add some rice and filling (in this case, wasabi and cucumber), and roll away. Not roll away as in 'lie down on a steep incline and push off', that would be stupid.

Rolling, rolling, rolling, raw fish. Er, I mean, hide.

Arrange the sushi on a suitable authentic-looking dish (even though it was from IKEA) and garnish with wasabi and pickled ginger.

Wow! Am I allowed to boast yet? Beats chips any day.

Tuna nigiri, salmon nigiri, sashami, avocado maki and cucumber and red caviar maki.

Bass Boost

2006-03-23T23:47:00.000Z

Something light and simple after yesterday's meat fest. I wanted some white wine to add to the poaching liquid (a simple chicken stock) but I didn't have any, sadly, so I'll be making this again at some point soon to test the theory (the theory being that it would taste good with wine in...pay attention dammit, there's a quiz after).

Pan-roasted fillet of sea bass on poached spring vegetables with butter beans, oregano and sage

Steak A Look At The Size Of That!

2006-03-22T22:56:00.000Z

Too...much...meat...can't...type...or...see...properly...must...purge...

Far too much steak with my great wedges and a corncob

Caper Crusader

2006-03-19T22:39:00.000Z

This was originally going to be tuna tartare, but I didn't cook it yesterday and two-day old tuna isn't really appropriate for serving raw. I realise that the (improvised) presentation of this dish might, to uninitiated eyes, look a little 1970s, but in actual fact the look I was going for was 'Calypso'. I think I succeeded. You can think what you like.

Seared tuna on avocado with caper berries and a tomato and celery salsa.
Served with potato salad (just off lens)

A Nice Warm Pea

2006-03-09T23:11:00.000Z

That photo makes the potato look like it's full of whipped cream. I really must get a better camera. I apologise to any blind fans of this blog who have to get a friend or kind neighbour to read out the caption to them and describe the photograph. Aurally, a warm pea salad does not sound attractive.

Chicken, spring onion and mayo in a baked potato with a warm pea and red pepper salad

Talky, Teriyaki, Happy Talk

2006-03-08T21:59:00.000Z

This was splendid, although I put a weeny bit too much dried chilli in the teriyaki marinade. I can confirm that adding more honey does not solve this. The floaty lightness of the cucumber dressing cooled me down enough until the tears dissolved and all was well. And at least my sinuses are clear now.

Teriyaki salmon with hand-dived scallops on a Japanese cucumber salad

Easy, Tiger

2006-03-07T21:52:00.000Z

Easy, because it was, and tiger because this is called Tiger Bread. It had sharp teeth and claws in it and was baked by Siegfried and/or Roy.

Minestrone soup, a big loaf of bread and Gorgonzola

WTF? KFC?

2006-03-06T21:45:00.000Z

The more alert among you will have noticed that KFC is my junk food of choice. Whilst I would rather eat a delicious, healthy and thoughtfully prepared meal made from fresh ingredients by skilled hands, I can't always be arsed. I was going to make a joke at my own expense then, something along the lines of "whilst I would rather eat a delicious, healthy and thoughtfully prepared meal made from fresh ingredients by skilled hands, no-one will cook for me", but, again, I can't be arsed. I have displayed the advertisement for the products I consumed tonight so you can get the full effect of the delightful marketing ploy employed by whichever agency was lucky enough to win the KFC account. I would have taken a photo of the actual food but, to theme, I couldn't be arsed.

Zinger Tower Meal (mine had a corn on the cob rather than beans though). Wicked.

Around The World In Platey Days

2006-03-03T22:32:00.000Z

This dish took less time to cook than it did to invent, I'm not sure if that's an indication of genius or stupidity. The lemon myrtle really smacked that caviar into heaven, it was an inspired combination.

A lot of countries went into this, I hope they appreciate the publicity. I might get a free fur hat or something.

OK, I need a name for this creation. Send your suggestions to seemydinners@hotmail.co.uk or leave a comment. The winner gets a fur hat if mine ever arrives.

Monkfish marinaded in Russian vodka, Australian lemon myrtle and lemongrass on Pad Thai noodles with a caviar dressing.

Wackaroni

2006-02-28T21:37:00.000Z

This pasta was wacky, kind of like macaroni with Elephantitis.

Also, the plate looks like it's having some sort of visitation from god, perhaps the flatware equivalent of the Rapture.

Perciatelli with a chicken, courgette, mushroom and tomato sauce

Pie Eyed

2006-02-27T21:27:00.000Z

"Pie eyed" means intoxicated, which is appropriate because this particular pie contained Guinness, a beverage made from the distilled blood of drunken Irishmen and water from the River Ohdahnieboi.

Beef and Guinness Pie served with good old boiled potatoes, buttered spinach and lots of gravy

Slicence of the Lamb

2006-02-26T20:56:00.000Z

Sunday roast with a twist. I thought I'd show you the whole leg (it was huge) rather than the finished article. A change is as good as a rest, they say. I don't know who 'they' are, but when I get hold of 'them', 'they'll' have me to answer to for coming up with stupid platitudes that don't mean anything. I mean, you could live a busy but comfortable life then suddenly find yourself stuck in a well for 5 days with nothing to eat but your own arm. It's a change, alright, but personally I'd rather have a rest.

Moroccan roast lamb with roasted aubergines and red onion and chilli jam

The Kind You Find In A Secondhand Store

2006-02-25T22:50:00.000Z

I couldn't decide whether to present this in that 1970s Fanny Craddock way, alternating the different ingredients to make a circle, or to jumble it all up for that just-got-out-of-bed look. You might say it was a toss up, ha ha. Anyway, I went for the retro neatness.

Tuna Nicoise with red-skinned baby potatoes and raspberry vinaigrette

A China Crisis

2006-02-24T19:12:00.000Z

Takeaway hasn't been the same since foil containers went out of vogue. The plastic ones you get now take all of the excitement out of buying food soaked in monosodium glutomate and oil. I'd be interested to know how different the British version of Chinese food is to the stuff you get in China. I suppose over there it's just called 'food'.

Szechuan duck, king prawn curry and boiled rice

Rocket and Pull It

2006-02-23T22:32:00.000Z

I bought a three-pack of avocados and two of them were rotten. Shame on you, Sainsbury's. One avocado between two is not enough tasty moist flesh. I've gone tomato crazy, expect to see a lot of them until I get bored. Everything is a fad, I'm like a teenager except I'm not crap in bed.

Crispy skin fried chicken salad with rocket, avocado, basil and tomatoes

Foiled Again

2006-02-22T22:44:00.000Z

These weren't really en papillote, more like en foillote except that's not a word.

Sausages, new potatoes and artichoke hearts en papillote with paprika and lemon.
Served with greek-style fasolia gigantes (not pictured)

Sushi And The Banshees

2006-02-21T21:14:00.000Z

We went for sushi tonight but I forgot to take a photo. "What's that then?" I hear you scream, frantically jabbing at your monitor with a clawed finger. Calm down, there's no need to poke. That is a substitute photo of some very good sushi and sashami that I had in Vegas.

Sushi!

Cake Me, I'm Yours

2006-02-19T18:55:00.000Z

I made a cake today for no reason (unless eating it counts as a reason). We had to take shifts whipping the cream by hand because of a mechanical failure in the whizzy machine department. The jam is Bonne Maman Raspberry Conserve, which makes by far the best sponge filling. The Mexican vanilla extract I've been using for ages is actually several years out of date, but I can't see what difference that makes. It still smells and tastes nice and I'm not dead yet.

I didn't only eat a cake for dinner, there was a Sunday roast first.

Victoria Sponge

For Goodness Steak

2006-02-17T22:15:00.000Z

I've posted a slightly larger photo than normal to do justice to the beauty of my perfectly-cooked meat. I cook steak so well, if I wasn't already married I'd marry me. I put a large splash of this into my homemade salsa, I got it in Vegas. Not only is the packaging genius, it's actually a really nice condiment. Elvis would has approved of this meal, I think.

Sirloin on olive oil mash with spicy tomato salsa

Stand And Do Liver

2006-02-15T22:29:00.000Z

I invented a completely new way of cooking baby new potatoes that involves steaming, roasting and frying them, all at once. Ask yourself, what potato cooking method have you invented recently? If the answer is 'none', then I suggest you go home and seriously think about your life, especially if you have a mundane job like, say, data entry.

Field mushroom stuffed with a coarse chicken liver and asparagus parfait on a new potato stack with paprika spinach

Valentine's Day Mascara

2006-02-14T23:06:00.000Z

I hope you haven't tuned in for the usual witty repartee, because today I just want to talk about cooking. This is adapted from a Charlie Trotter recipe, he being one of my favourite chefs. I felt inclined to make it a tad more robust than the original, and I also departed from the recommended 'breast only'. I like to serve pigeon whole even though they're a bit faffy to navigate, simply because they look so cute. I acknowledge that the breast is really the only useful bit and it's just creating more work for the eater, but the dainty little carcass perched atop its nest of green is just too adorable. I also used cubetti di pancetta instead of just bacon fat for the dressing, to give the dish a bit more wallop. There's a fine balance between art and satiety.

Butter-roasted wood pigeon with wilted greens, water chestnuts, butternut squash, ginger and soy-bacon vinaigrette

Peter Piper Ate A Plate of Peppery Peppers

2006-02-13T22:06:00.000Z

In a fit of economy, I actually used yesterday's leftover Mexican-style minced beef to make this. I almost never use leftovers, firstly because there aren't often any (yeah, my cooking is THAT good), and secondly because forward planning isn't one of my strengths. That's why you won't often see anything on this blog that looks like it's been marinated for 24 hours.

Spicy stuffed bell peppers on rice with monocots

Tortilla Flat

2006-02-12T21:10:00.000Z

A friend was kind enough to send me a taco dinner kit containing some soft flour torillas and some hard shell tacos, which, once filled, were the messiest thing imagineable. They were booby-trapped, one actually exploded in my hand, forcing me to eat the sticky goo off my fingers in self-defence. I didn't take a picture of that, it was too scary. You can see those same fingers doing a cool stunt 'roll' in the picture below.

Beef fajitas with red pepper salad, lots of salsa and sour cream

Thanks to Lisa S and Whyatica for the tacos!

Spring Roll For Hitler

2006-02-10T20:58:00.000Z

I always think spring rolls look like male appendages. This one did, except it was very squashed and some of the guts had spilled out. Ew! Horrorshow!

Spring roll and chips from the Seaspray chip shop in Shirley

There's A Hole In My Bucket, Dear Liza

2006-02-09T22:52:00.000Z

I have nothing to declare except my salmon.

So, someone has asked me to start listing recipes as part of the blog. Sadly, I must decline this nice request as time is not on my side. I have enough of a job cooking, blogging and raising twelve kids (by different fathers). However, you may submit requests for specific recipes to seemydinners@hotmail.co.uk if there's something that you desperately need to eat.

Steamed salmon on creamed leeks and mushrooms with sauteed tiny potatoes

I Am In A Fowl Mood

2006-02-08T22:41:00.000Z

Or at least I was in foul mood. I'm in a marginally better mood now because I've eaten and also because writing this blog for my dear, beloved readers fills me with joy unconfined.

You know what I like about being a grown-up? You can make random dinner choices and nobody says you're not allowed. Take tonight for example. I fancied a chicken and mushroom sandwich on one of those 1970s-style French sticks that your mum used to slice diagonally and put pate on for buffets (except in my house it was Shippams Liver Paste), so that's what I had. No messing. I'm sending myself to bed in a while. If I don't go straight away, I might even tell me that I'm not telling myself again, and then proceed to tell me again ten minutes later.

Roast chicken and sauteed mushrooms with mayonnaise on crusty bread

I'm back!

2006-02-07T23:11:00.000Z

Miss me? Didja? Of course you did. Vegas was a blast, but sadly I came home with chronic bronchitis and have been asleep for a week. Tonight, I cooked, but only vaguely. I'll be back up to full culinary strength by the end of the week but in the meantime you're going to have to tolerate some rather unimaginative dishes.

Baked potato with bacon and melted brie

Going, Going, GONE!

2006-01-24T21:44:00.000Z

There will be no dinner blog for the next week, cause I've gone to Vegas.

See ya, suckers!

Achoo!

2006-01-22T20:26:00.000Z

Simple fare by a cook with a heavy cold. It's not worth spending hours cooking if you can't actually taste anything. Despite that, I'm going to eat an entire Toblerone now.

Grilled chicken breast with Parma ham and feta salad

Holy Good Gravy!

2006-01-21T23:03:00.000Z

This meal is the food equivalent of a siren song. If you cook this, men are attracted from miles around. They become hypnotised and bend to your very will, becoming like puppies or particularly stupid children. If you are trying to get a husband, or merely laid in an interesting way, I recommend perfecting your homemade onion gravy and buying Lashford's sausages (the best in the world). Never fails. Look at me, seven husbands and still going strong. Thank goodness for those relaxed Utah laws*, eh readers?

Lashford's pork and chive sausages and mash with homemade onion gravy

*Dinnerblog does not live in Utah and is not a bigamist

The Lamb Post To Narnia

2006-01-19T21:36:00.000Z

That Narnia film was rubbish. Go and watch something good like Jarhead and stop wasting your money on poor adaptations of children's books. That's all I have to say.

Garlic lamb on a bed of roasted vegetables (courgette, aubergine and red pepper) with roast vine tomatoes and a chargrilled chilli

Rocket Man

2006-01-18T21:38:00.000Z

I'm really not very well, I have a dreadful cough and what I can only describe as 'the lurgy' (with a hard 'g'). Therefore, I needed to cook something that was fast, easy and comforting. I defy anyone to make a dish that fulfils those three requirements better than this one. The yolk of the egg forms a dressing with the olive oil. Clever stuff. I feel better already.

Asparagus and king prawns with rocket and parmesan, topped with a perfect poached egg and olive oil dressing

Not Duck, But Bread

2006-01-17T21:43:00.000Z

If you are lucky enough to live near a deli that sells Manoucher bread, well, firstly, you might live near me, which is nice, and secondly, you'll know what I'm on about, which is rare and also nice. The finest, most delicious bread imaginable. You need to get the Barbaree Loaf for this recipe, if you can't get one then I suppose you could make do with something else but frankly I wouldn't bother. It's not the same. In fact, it's pointless even trying, you might as well make a shepherd's pie instead.

I call this Winter Pizza because it's cold. Almost. Warm the bread in the oven first, then put everything else on and eat it immediately. This photo only shows half, the bread is 60cm long and needs to be split to fit in the oven. I ate this entire piece to myself.

TK's Winter Pizza
(Manoucher Barbaree bread with buffalo mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, salami, olives and red onion)

Cauliflower Power

2006-01-16T23:05:00.000Z

Spring is in the air. OK, it's not, but I'm pretending it is because I have the first daffodils of the year on my windowsill, and everything is alright with the world. Daffs make me very, very happy indeed. All together now...ahhhhhh.

Cauliflower cheese and hand carved Wiltshire ham

Also Sprach Zarathustra

2006-01-15T21:16:00.000Z

I wanted to use walnuts but it wasn't worth buying a whole bagful just for this so I used pine nuts instead. They worked OK, but on reflection I should have bought the walnuts. Ah, these cooking dilemmas, every night, inventing recipes to please my tastebuds and amuse people I don't know.

Chicken with a mushroom and truffle coat on sauteed cabbage and pine nuts.

Accompanied by potato daupinois on saxophone.

Better Than Sew-Sew

2006-01-14T22:49:00.000Z

This is a lot of faff to make but it's worth it. It's a Gordon Ramsay recipe, although the sauce (a fairly simple cream and horseradish affair) is Mr Roux, of course. My larding needle is probably one of the least-used pieces of equipment in my kitchen. For those not familiar with the more obscure cooking terminology, larding is when you thread something (like smoked salmon) through something else (like halibut).

It has nothing to do with lard.

Halibut larded with smoked salmon and sauce albert on wilted cos lettuce, peas and baby onions

Zinger Zong of Zixpence

2006-01-12T21:40:00.000Z

I love KFC. The fries were crap though.

Zinger Tower Burger

Pork Calling Orson, Come In Orson

2006-01-10T21:47:00.000Z

This was supposed to be a pea puree but my downstairs neighbour decided to object to my flattening pork medallions with rolling pin at 8pm, by banging on his ceiling in protest. After that, I didn't dare to get the electric whizzer thingy out, he might have urinated through my letterbox. Don't these pork things look like little cornish pasties? How cute!

Pork stuffed with prosciutto, mozarella and sage, with a pea almost-puree, sauteed butternut squash and light chilli oil dressing.

Pasta Dutchie On Da Left Hand Side

2006-01-10T00:02:00.000Z

Man, I don't know what I was thinking, but this looks absolutely ridiculous. I mean, there's experimenting with layout, and there's plain old making a grave error. ERROR! ERROR! STUPID FOOD ALERT! I must be on drugs or something. Bleh. Perhaps I've come to end of the my creativity. I've exhausted all the good ideas, and this is what's left, the dregs of dinner design. My pathetic excuse is that I was rushing because I had to get to the cinema on time to see that gay cowboy movie that you're not supposed to call "the gay cowboy movie".

Tagliatelle with tomato and smoked bacon sauce, sauteed mushrooms and a melted gruyere crouton

O-fish-ially Delishially

2006-01-08T20:55:00.000Z

Proper bubble and squeak should be made with leftovers, but as you can clearly see from the blog entry, yesterday I didn't cook any of the things that are required. The only problem with making it from freshly-boiled ingredients is the cakes don't hold together so well, even if you dry the mixture out on the heat for a while before you fry. Dry before you fry! That's a great strapline for...something. I should be in Marketing, really I should.

Red tilapia on sweet potato bubble and squeak

Driver Cook Nuts

2006-01-07T22:35:00.000Z

I've had a complete nightmare getting this blog to you tonight, it's been a problematic few hours. The solution involved dashing into Birmingham City Centre at 7:45pm to buy a new DVD drive, for reasons too complex to bore you with here, then dashing back home and installing it, not to mention the actual cooking of the meal in question. I hope you appreciate it. Feh.

Chicken thighs and roast garlic with saffron and mint, on chickpeas and courgettes

Wig Wam Bam A Mama

2006-01-05T20:53:00.000Z

Wagamama isn't great. It's OK, but not great. This bowl of ramen that they made wasn't great. It was OK, but not great. OK? Good. No, not good, just OK.

Seafood Ramen

Christmas Part II

2006-01-04T21:25:00.000Z

That's part two, not part eleven, for those of you who can't read old. I realised yesterday that I hadn't had any proper Christmas pudding this year. Unusual for me, as I love the stuff and generally eat my own weight in it (or I did when I weighed 200g, anyway). I'm sorry to say this wasn't homemade, it was a bit late for that. I'm also sorry to have to inform you that it was rubbish.

Christmas pudding with cream

There's No Such Thing As Scotchtoberfest!

2006-01-03T22:33:00.000Z

Remember going on school trips on really hot summer days, to somewhere lame like Avoncroft Farm or the Forge Mill Needle Museum, and how your stupid Kermit the Frog flask with the lift-up-spout would leak orange squash all over your luncheon meat roll and Wagon Wheel?

And that really unpopular chubby kid would open his bag on the coach, and he'd have hard-boiled egg sandwiches in there which would reek, and everyone would shout "ew!" and take the mickey out of him for the rest of the day? Well, if that kid had had one of THESE in his tupperware, his life would have been very different, believe me. He'd have been a hero, borne high on the shoulders of his peers, carried aloft into the nave of some cathedral or whatever boring thing you were supposed to be learning about. You still be talking about him now, his name echoing the corridors of memory in hallowed whispers of awe. Weep for him, for that poor boy whose mother was not as cool as me and didn't make him incredible scotch eggs to secure his popularity. Not that I have kids, can't stand 'em. Went to school with the blighters, you know.

Homemade scotch eggs with mustard mayo and potato and watercress salad

Good Cod!

2006-01-02T20:01:00.000Z

This was one of those use-up-everything-in-the-fridge inventions, it turned out pretty well although I did use a mite too much fresh green chilli. It was slightly too spicy but not enough to make your eyes bleed.

Roast cod on lentils with okra, chorizo and fenugreek